I saw this picture, and my first thought was, “Ooh, I like those shoes!”
I’m pretty sure that fact alone makes me eligible to check into some sort of rehabilitation facility.
Tags archives: station-identification
Tanorexia Is No Laughing Matter
This unfortunate addict has not only suffered irreparable skin damage, but also lost several layers from the top of his torso, exposing his ribcage and dissolving several major internal organs. Worse, his DNA seems to have mutated into an ugly necklace. Don’t be the next victim.
Put Your Dress Down, Sweetie, We’re in Public
Alright, whose turn is it to change the baby? Because it’s not mine. I did it this morning. And it was not pretty.
Work it, Girl
This is the little-known runner up for Rolling Stone’s Housewife of the Year. His lemon sponge cake was on par with Jessica Simpson’s, but she had him beat in—of all things—the tuna sandwich competition. Next year. Next year.
I Never Thought I’d Say This, But You Should Tuck That In
Generally, when we think of cleavage, we think of something sexy: a woman in a low-cut top, a pair of vampy stilettos, or the perfect pinacoidal cleavage of a chunk of plogopite mica. Okay, maybe not that last one.
Anyway, I’m pretty sure that cleavage has never brought to mind something you’d see peeking out of a pair of sweatpants sagging under the weight of a fanny pack. Until now. You’re welcome.
These Boots Are Made for Standing Around by the Trash Can
The University of Oklahoma won the Sun Bowl a couple days ago, so I can only imagine that this sad clown’s sadness has something to do with his shorts. And trust me, if those shorts had a face, it would be a sad one too.
New Year’s Quiz
Your New Year’s Eve and What it Says About You
1. Is this man in your house right now?
A. No
B. Yes
Results:
Mostly A’s: Your 2010 should be okay
Mostly B’s: Consider making some changes
Resolve Not to Wear That Again
No, I don’t know why no one has shown up to your New Year’s Eve party. Personally, I had NO problem assembling an outfit for an event with an “animal print one-piece” theme. Unfortunately, the ridges on the back of my alligator romper keep making my fanny pack fall off.
Jes…Jes One More Cinnamontini, Kay Guyss?
This guy is wearing a camouflage and polka-dot bra, and yet somehow still manages to look like my uncle Dennis when he’s drunk. Which is weird, because when my uncle Dennis is drunk, he usually goes for the red marabou negligee.
Too Much of a Bad Thing
Fringe. Use it sparingly. Because sometimes, when it comes to fringe, one thing can lead to another. Specifically, if I see you get out of the back of a station wagon wearing a fringe belt and little else, I’m going to have to put on these:
